Don't Leave the Porch Light on

We’re Empty Nesters at last. I have mixed feelings about marrying off the youngest. Not that I feel that way about the marriage, I’m delighted with my new son-in-law, and all is as it should be. I’m just feeling odd about the emptiness right now.

All totaled, my husband and I have lived alone with just the 2 of us probably less than 2 years our entire married life if you don’t count our mission. I know this post is a jumble. That’s okay, that’s how I feel right now.

Daily life isn’t that different, our daughter was rarely home. Sometimes we saw her in the morning before she went to work, and at night we often had family prayer with her after she came in. She was here a little more often than that, but not much.

Her room is nearly empty. All that’s left is the furniture, and they can’t move that until their apartment is finished. I’m itching to create my sewing/craft room. Still, I feel empty when I look in and don’t see her dozens of shoes, etc. It has filled up a little with wedding presents for now.

Her bathroom is also empty. Thankfully, she left the bathroom rugs. I don’t think hot pink is her new husband’s idea of decor. I didn’t plan to, but I moved my makeup into it because she has much better light.

What are we going to do with left-over treats when she isn’t here to take them to work?

I won’t see her friends any more.

I’ll miss her smile, and talking to her even if only for a few minutes here and there.

I’ll miss the evenings she and her friends came over to watch TV and play games.

The house is too quiet.

Going back to another reason the house seems so empty. I’m thankful our daughter that moved in with us when we moved in was here when we arrived home from our 9 month trip with her 2 children (one was born while they were living here). Those first few days I really missed the patter of little feet and childish voices even if we could at last set up our office in what had been the grandchildren’s room.

When they moved out, I missed having a “dish fairy.” Her husband always did our dishes. If he was home, he removed them from the table as we finished eating and washed them. The pans were already done. Sometimes when we got home for a later than usual dinner, he had something ready for us. He is a great cook, and has cooked as a chef for restaurants. He often worked the night shift, so we also left the porch light on for him.

It was great to have adults to talk to in the house as well as the charming grandchildren. There’s much more, but I don’t want to write a novel. This post is too long as it is.

Yes. We are in a better state, and the children are as well. Life marches on. I try to live like my mother said, “Enjoy each stage of your life while in it. Don’t waste your youth wishing you were older, or your older years wishing you were younger.”

I miss leaving the porch light on, but hey, we are saving on electricity. Now to tell you why we spent so little time as just the two of us in our marriage:

Our eldest son was in a hurry to get here, and was born a couple of months short of 1 year after we were married. We were alone for a short time after our youngest started college and before we went on our mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for 1 ½ years in Thailand. During the last 5-6 months of that time, our son lived with us so he and his family could watch our house while we were gone.

We were alone while remodeling the kitchen and bathrooms so we could sell our 2 story house. We were also in an apartment for 5 months while looking for a house. When we moved in here, we had the pleasure of welcoming our daughter, son-in-law, and their 1-year-old daughter with us temporarily. That’s why we almost always had to leave the porch light on. He worked the evening shift, and wouldn’t get in until the wee hours of the morning.

We asked them to stay a little longer than they had planned so they could be here while we went on a 9 month road trip. When we got back, our youngest daughter had come back home. That brings us back to last Friday, and her marriage that now leaves us with our empty nest, and hardly any need to turn on the porch light. 

48 Years of Marriage

My husband and I had our 48^th anniversary last month. A few ideas on how to make a marriage last:

Becoming one in the Biblical sense of the word doesn’t mean you feel the same way about everything. For example: You may have very different taste in movies. Dan goes for the adventure type of movies—when a movie is “R” rated, he’s disappointed. We don’t see “R” movies for any reason. At the same time, I relish the idea because I don’t like that type of movie with a few exceptions—Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and maybe a couple more. I know when to close my eyes like when Indiana Jones and What’s Her Name tie themselves to a pole. I don’t open them until the music changes, or when Luke falls into the pit with the monster.

It’s rare indeed when we both order the same thing at a restaurant.

We do agree on politics with very few exceptions, and even then it’s in the details, not the overall scope.

Having the same spiritual goals is imperative. Do you read scriptures and pray as a family? Maybe not quite imperative, but it can be extremely difficult if you aren’t on the same wavelength.

When you come together in marriage, bring some of your family traditions, and allow your husband/wife to do the same. There is no right or wrong. Christmas can be especially difficult. If you both feel strongly about how your family did things, it can lead to arguments. Either one will dominate and the other will feel put upon, or you will end up with the same fight every year. It's also VERY important to develop new traditions that don't belong to either family. These are your very own.

Both people need to give some in all aspects. Wives, if your husband is a huge sports fan, ask enough questions that you can follow the game with at least moderate interest. Husbands, your wife will be much more willing to attend sporting events if you will take her to the type of entertainment she likes.

I could go on and on, but I won’t. The most important thing is to work together, and spend time together. Also have time when you do individual things. The children will one day leave and you don’t want to be living with a stranger.

Resolutions

Mondays come fast. I had something planned for today, but didn’t make the time to prepare it last week, so I’m on to plan B, my opinion on making New Year’s resolutions:

Making goals is a good thing. The start of a new year is a good time to do so, and to reflect on the ones you made the previous year; however, you can make goals or re-fresh old ones any time.

When you slip, don’t tell yourself you are a failure. Start again, that day. For example, if your goal is to exercise daily, and miss a day, don’t give up. Go for it the next day. (Okay, I’m going to do my Yoga as soon as I post this.)

Without goals, we can drift with a vague “I’ll do better” attitude. That doesn’t help much. At least for myself, I need to be more specific than that, something measurable. Kick discouragement out the door.

One example: I made the resolution to get regular on this blog January 1^st, but didn’t get to it until last week. I could mope and make even more excuses, but I won’t. Here it is. See you next week.

Starting up Again

I’m back. I had major computer problems (hard drive crashed). After I finally got a new one, I had difficulties with it and one of my sons-in-law fixed several issues, but he didn’t have limitless time. Who does? The holidays hit, and I knew that when my computer geek son came down for Christmas he would be able to fix the rest. He did, but I still kept procrastinating starting up the blog again.

How easy it is for us to put things off. “I’m already behind; one more week won’t matter, next week for sure! Everybody else lets their blog go for awhile.”

January is almost over. NO more procrastinating. Monday Morning Grandma is back! I enjoy writing this blog. Once I have one of my novels accepted, I will revert this blog to concentrate on my writing. I plan to create another one titled Monday Morning Grandma and keep it up. I like the freedom this venue affords, I can write or post pictures about anything I want. 

Here are a few pictures of the day we got snow. People who have lived here 30 + years said they haven't ever seen it snow. Enjoy.